so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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