i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
