It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
