Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
