i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
