i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
