If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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