At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
