how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
