i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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