So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
