Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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