so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
