I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
did i just pee glitter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
