You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
