Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
