I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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