can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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