You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
