doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
