Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
