dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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