I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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