we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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