Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
