Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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