Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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