you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
