I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize