i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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