i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
someone owes me an orgasm
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
