My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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