You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
