After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize