How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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