K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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