beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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