a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
