if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
