WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
