i was born a porn star she said
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
