Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
