Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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