Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
