I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
