spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Damn victory sex feels great
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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