going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
