Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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