Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Randomize
