Well douche your snatch and let's go!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
