1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
