I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
