gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am one with the molecules
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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