so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
