whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
