just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
