Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
