He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
