5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
