why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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