Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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