Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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