So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
