Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
