I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
