So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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