Betty ford says i'm here all night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
