Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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