It's Friday. Sex?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
