how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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