On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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