I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
