Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
