Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
