You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
