dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
