I'm drive I can fine osifer
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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