My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize