Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
