Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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