I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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