I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
