we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize