Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
