and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
