Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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