She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
