do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
