dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize