O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My penis needs a shock collar
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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