I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
