wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm at about main and main street
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
