my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
