well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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